Written in the early morning, Tuesday, May 26, 1998...
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Ever feel as if you've been watched? Well, I've been watched, not stalked, and it's just leaving me with a seriously creepy feeling. There was a guy I dated for a short time. I met him via a local chat server over a year ago. We didn't really hit it off, but I kinda hurt him badly with the way I ended things. How was I to know that he considered our relationship serious and that on top of that, he had never had a serious relationship before?
One thing's for sure, I don't mind meeting new friends via the internet, but starting anything beyond that makes me very wary. Well, I decided to stop in on that chat server with a different name and ISP without worrying about being recognized. After all, I've been away for several months and the people in there are hardly regulars. I joined a small chat because I was bored and there was no work I needed to be doing at the moment. I started talking and sure thing, one of those in the room was none other than Mr. Commitment himself. He recognized me right off the bat and asked me if I was still going to this certain college. I said yes, but was a bit surprised because I didn't know that he knew I transferred there. Then he tells me that he saw me there a lot and that he went to school there as well. I never saw him there!! Another thing is that this is a rather small community college where people go to raise their GPA's. He said that he saw me walking to where I caught my bus in the afternoons and also asked me if I still lived in my apartment. I had not spoken to him since moving here... the fact that he saw me and I never saw him REALLY bothers me! I feel almost as if I've been stalked... and it makes me all the more anxious for the 220 mile move I'll be doing in the fall... I don't think he'd stalk me or anything, and he has a girlfriend now, but still... even the idea that someone could be watching me unbeknownst to me is enough to make me break out into a cold sweat! *shudder* Before I always felt that when I went into the world, nobody noticed me... I dress humbly, walk around unnoticed for the most part and am more an observer than the observed. I'm generally a quiet type in public if I'm not with friends. Not really a shy type, but more guarded. Having discovered that this guy has watched me, I feel excessively vulnerable. I'm really hoping that nothing comes of this. I told the guy how much it bothered me, and I live in a really secure building, but still, I walk alone on the streets a lot. If I wasn't so terrified of it, I'd carry around that little zapper gun my mother gave me... but the only person getting shocked by it would be me. |